Sitting on the bathroom floor while the house sleeps so I can leave for Florida with everything done.
My Dearest Friends,
This is a very special group of prayers, some requesst and a proclamation of love for my extended family.
In some cases I have been there for your children to teach and learn with them, and though we have never met, you write me to express gratitude.
While it is true that most of the number of friends on this Facebook, I have met, practiced magick with, participated in ritual with, cooked for, made a drink for, fetched firewood or water for, danced, drummed, over toned for, chanted with and for, said prayers with and for, prayed for your children and elders with or without being asked, worked on a cause on behalf of, helped whenever time and resources allowed, all, whether we have met or not, hold weight with me because we are a people united in our diversity, unfair victims of the same witch-burning mentality that has plagued us through the ages and this makes us ONE.
In some cases because the exterior is but an amplification of the soul within, and my friends are, to a number, beautiful, I have lusted after some of you, in the most delightful way, do not think it diminishes the value I place of your sacred heart and infinite soul. We all have our days steeped in loneliness and mine do multiply in number because of the tasks I face and the fear over having no one left to sit and cuddle with, laughing and crying over what is and what will be, because I have come to an age where I have outlived many I love greatly.
Over time I have shown my heart, soul and ass to and, on the latter, if you can’t ass it up, once in awhile, in front of your friends, then who besides certain politicians and clergy does one show their ass too? As for those who have used my human side to belittle me? What can I say? You win! I have a very fragile, vulnerable and human side. That which makes us different is not your accomplished perfection, but my willingness to won my own soul and human imperfections, with a degree of grace and hopefully, humility.
If you have taken joy plunging daggers into my back and this act makes you a better person, then by all means, have at it again. If your kissing my ass and telling me that my flatulence is reminiscent of rare Russian vanilla beans, in order to go back and tell your harpies and jackals, on the well poisoning prisoners bandwagon that my expulsions are more like swamp grass on a hot August day and this kind of deceit and two sided way of speaking makes you a better person then by all means, feed on my human inadequacies, while calling me a psychic and emotional vampire, as you wipe the blood soaked spittle from the side of your mouth before your stomach explodes like a gremlin in the microwave on the excess poison, gluttons always swallow more of then is humanly possible to digest, showing us your own limitations, so one and all will know there is hope for those who seek their fill of even poison as food.
I have grieved with you, tried, with all of my imperfections to aspire to a level of dignity befitting who and what I am, the office, unto death, that I hold, on behalf of, even a few of, my claimed enemies.
Some have brought out the worst in me but most, the best, especially in those moments when I was wrongly at my own worst, and in that dichotomy, I am grateful to and love all my teachers, even those that hate me, with particular thanks to those that really did wish to avoid the drama game by saying; I can’t stand you. You suck and I do not want to be around you and your bullshit. Often times this sentiment has an equal value in truth and the honesty saves so much on the bull shit quotent.
A prep-school friend once mused to me that it is a good thing we did not have facebook in the 70’s and 80’s, as I would have slept with most of you. It took years for me to realize the cliche I was living with my promiscuity, as a raped, molested and abandoned child. In the last 12 years, those numbers alone make me look virginal.
Judging from the fact that there are not more three headed children around, if is FB dawned in my life long after the decadent, depraved 70’s and 80’s where we shook glands before hands, fashion designers might have had to cut patterns fr triple hats and three-eyed goggles in a seeming game of good Third Eye bad third eye.
You, especially my children, early teens to early thirties now, have helped me grow grandmotherly, drawing from the well of my femininity adding more of the grandfatherly warrior, using wit and wisdom over clenched fist. Oddly the greatest and finest female lovers of my life have brought out the divine feminine within and the finest male lovers as well. Thank you for helping me to see the beauty in that, and the fact that it resides within us now, no matter how macho flavored our personal ads might proclaim the size of our balls and a phallic standard, most obviously metric.
The greater parts of me are a mere reflection of those friends, the company I keep close to me juxtaposed with the me that still has much to learn. Your love has sustained me like food to a starving and thirsty desert traveler, your kindness like quinine to a malaria victim, your, in many cases, unconditional love that I do not always feel deserving of. Some of you have had to endure me at my worst, with the passing of my only son, Jason, my second father Richard, the man I loved for ten years that took his own life, Nate, as well as Jason, who took his after 13 years and all those close to me, mst recently Jeff, Lord Viking Heart and Bren Shepherd.
The break-ups or more of the sad issues of personal life, Some of you do the best you can with me, because you know that while not always fair to me, the universe must exact its karmic debt and while mine should be near paid by now, I may not have the chance to wrack things up.
Along the lines of tender mercies of the heavens, I count my blessings in the form of my friends and the blessings in my life are in abundance. While I have no relationships per se, I do engage in the now notorious Bro’mance, which allows me time with men I love, that have no interest in exploring their sexual curiosity, at least not with me, but have enough sense of themselves to know that in depriving themselves of the gifts of intimate male to male relationships, like bosom buddies of two centuries ago, companions of one, they cheat themselves of a variation for warrior love, which historically has played an important part in the lives of many who are far better adjusted to the facets of love and their ability to make those in their lives they do enjoy sexual relationships with far healthier as they learn to love without agenda.
Women, that are not lesbians, have managed Thelma and Louise style relationships, minus the robbery and Brad Pitt akin to the Bro’mance, as exampled in Pineapple express, far better for far longer and it is nice to see men catching up, although if I had to deal with a beautiful Bro’mance with the likes of James Franco, I would eventually bite my lips off, out of genuine frustration because such a lovely person almost makes a godlike statement; I am to be loved and if it is my will, it is your will be done too. Make no mistake, there are two men in my life, not that first, that I agonize over loving but to suffer with love is a beautiful thing, when it makes you a better person. Accept that there are some tress you shall not eat from and to act in opposition to what you conscience tells you is to be unethical at best. As I say; Love is the Tai Chi of agony and bliss. Guess what? I so mean it!!!!
I have elders, contemporaries and children in great numbers and while the human side of me ails for just one more great romance, one month of weekends with someone I really love, that is not acting out of any sense of obligation, other than to just be, and love, honoring that love dictates the terms of love and what happens is not some curiosity but a very apparent; I love you and I want you to know, if only for few moments, that if one and all have their one then the one they are with for that moment in time would be that one forever should this be the direction of love and desire.
IN the albescence of this exception, especially with men and women that love one another, it is so important especially for men and women to find ways of love, closeness and intimacy that do not involve the male going on safari int he ruby fruit jungle or men giving their female friend what Shakespeare called la petit morte or little death, the female orgasm because one glorious hah hah in a few moments can end a friendship that was meant t go on a lifetime. Love like a priceless sapphire has its facets, some that were not meant to be lit up.
I have much of the time, enough inspiration, with those I have come to love those that love me, alone in the numbers that call me teacher, friend, beacon, shaman, Mama Bear or grandfather to be satisfied, if I allow myself the gift of being satiated.
I am honored by your love for me but more than honoring me, you honor my teachers, those I have learned from, educated enough, to help me navigate the wearying waters of acquired wisdom and through their efforts, may I continue to aid and assist you, by my own and by their experience.
I do so love you all and if a man’s treasure and success is measured by those he loves, respects and those that love and respect him, I am the richest, most successful and luckiest man in the world.
You sustain this heart and the shoulders that carry the burdens; many only mine because they are yours.
Please now, over this next month pray for me, and should you have a thought, especially a small one now that may help inspire me, when battling some wall to be broken through, then please leave it here for me to reflect upon during the long days of tremendous discipline, hard work and resolve ahead.
I have not seen Bob in 30 plus years. As kids we never exchanged a word in anger, our bond beginning when he came to me after my father died to hold his hand in mine and tell me his story of losing his parents at age 4 and 8. He was the first Indigo of thousands, a brother who helped me hold onto the lifeline that kept me from insanity and now after all these years, at a time when I need such an arduous physical course, he extends his hand once again, through a lot of apin and fear. Please pray that I may be of help to him, as he has his pain to deal with too.
Please pray that the magick of this incredible friendship, a real brotherhood, siblings without the rivalry, but unity, that grew in a school, with a graduating class of 12, that unity that we had as brothers has survived and that I will find the passion and inspiration to work myself, as hard as I need to, in order that this foundation is laid in properly, stopping never out of laziness but occaisional need.
We come from a place where we never knew such a thing as; “That is so high school because that backstabbing and pettiness was foreign to us
Thank you so very much for being my friends and loved ones, my extended family, that in numbers alone, never mind that extended family and love eclipses, that of a Saudi Prince and until we meet again on the high or the low road, remember, this one soul loves and appreciates you.
To my sisters, in the sisterhood, and my brothers in our variation on the Bro’mance, you love helps to sustain me and in what we have you help to make a very broken heart, one, healing and near whole. I love you!
Hold my hand without shame, rolled in a blanket by a fire now embers, take in a moonlight or a sunrise, cuddled in a blanket, kiss me, be unafraid because in turn I too shall be unafraid of the abandonment so many indulge, because they were never prepared by convention to love another unless absolutely defined by the social order.
So you see, so much of what the alchemist and magician do is based on exchange. I would need trade nothing for The Gossamer Court and that makes it priceless to me. I oush mysekf to get healthy to fulfill my promise, mainky to young artist but that is because it is a lot harder betting kids my age to let go of there "I wouldn;t be any good at that" or "I was Ok doing that as a kid" strategy. We always have room for good teachers.
Pitch the idea and if the talking heads of decision like it, I will do my best to get it supplied. Please pray for my health and well-being because in a land of very talented, gifted and wonderful artists, we need a flock of art agitators like me to pull things together. It is not a position I jealously guard.
Yust, Phaerex, Beacon of the Indigo, Forever Young and Forever Yours
I managed to get together my air fare with a little left over to cover the basics, diet and supplements separate and the diet is mostly high nutrient smoothies, protein shakes, 6 ounces of meat and two servings fo fruit or veggies. With an opportunity like this, a carrot a day was not out of the realm of what I was prepared to do. I am going to hit the farmers market in Vero and apply to do readings there.
If anyone whishes to help me with those fees or supplies in addition to what I am bringing to try and get some WS’s going on making your own jewelry, wrapping, shells, instruments, runes out of materials found there, with need of paint and brushes as I am trying to keep down to a bag and the airlines might frown on my bringing a lot of liquid supplies, our paypal is email@example.com I am going to do my absolute best on making use of every day of my time and after it is all over I would love to have the ability to ship back other supplies that we collect or that are donated to us, perhaps items from a few yard sales, that can be used in our summer workshops. It all has to keep going and I promise to keep my eye on the ball of Cardio boot camp and The GC whenever possible, so we have a lot to work with come festival season. At least on that I have shipping covered with many of our friends leaving New England for Wisteria and Brishwood.
Another meeting after 30 years is between my cousin Bucky, his daughter and his mother Doris, who operates her own craft booth at the market. She will no doubt have contributions to make but shipping on our behalf is another matter. I am also going to scout for beds of mini-shells and try to send some half gallon nilk containers of those and dried flowers.
The donations last year are still being used by our artists in NOLA, Cincy, Colorado and NH
Yust Lundberg, The Gosssamer Court, 34 Naples Road (2), Brookline, MA 02446
“the gossamer court is an affiliation of spiritually inspired artists devoted to helping others to heal, as her artists help ourselves to heal, through the creation of art and teaching others the basics of the alchemy of taking a pile of nothing, including that which is discarded, what nature provides, what is donated and combining it with wire, string, glue, adding paint and other materials that add texture and color to produce something of value, aesthetically and otherwise.”
THANK YOU VERY MUCH